Sex Life During Perimenopause And After The Menopause

Hitting the perimenopause years for many women has an impact on their sexual relationships and this can be frustrating as things are not as they were. Read on to see some common experiences during this time and how to regain sexual confidence.

All Change

Falling oestrogen levels contribute to vaginal dryness, which can make walking, exercise, penetration and even wiping uncomfortable or painful. These lower levels also affect the vaginal elasticity. It is perfectly normal to feel that the vagina is not as comfortable as it was.

Dryness and thinning of vaginal tissues can range from a feeling of uncomfortable tightness to sever burning/tearing pain during intercourse and if this is continued it can lead to bleeding as the vaginal tissues are damaged. This is often worse if the sexual activity is infrequent – interestingly, frequent sex is actually positive for stimulating blood flow to the area as well as helping with tone and elasticity in the vagina.

Remember the raging hormones of the teenage years, where the mere anticipation of seeing a special someone could instantly put you in the mood? Well unfortunately the oestrogen and testosterone levels are heading in the opposite direction during perimenopause and beyond and this can make it hard to have ready feelings of arousal. This is not anything you or your partner have done or not done, it is a function of hormonal changes. If you couple this with tiredness from interrupted sleep, perhaps due to night sweats, it is no surprise at all that sex is not at the top of the list of priorities. Do not forget also that it is often a busy point in time for life, perhaps with the demands of children, relationship changes, concern for elderly parents and the list continues, these life events can mean that the focus has shifted away from your sex life. If you are aware, this can be the first step in doing something about it.

Finally, do not underestimate the disruption caused by mood changes and emotional symptoms of the perimenopause. Irritability and depression can kill the moment and lack of intimacy in the long run can exacerbate this all too easily. Feeling emotional about the transition can lead to feelings of stress and anxiety over body image, confusing feelings as well as lack of clarity around whether things will ever change.

For the good news?

We refer to the peri and menopausal years as a time of transition and this means that we are moving from an old way of doing things to a new way and this is positive. There are always new ways to rediscover the joys of an active intimate life.

Firstly, to tackle the physical symptom of a dry vagina, try water soluble lubricants and moisturisers. Non water soluble lubricants such as Vaseline can weaken the latex in condoms. Lubricants are easy to use and do not disrupt sex and there is a large range and why not try out the different flavours and sensations that are available? If you have not tried a lube before, believe us, they can make a big difference and add to the fun!

From a more medical perspective, speak to your GP about a prescription for oestrogen treatment that goes directly in the vagina in the form of a pessary, tablet, vaginal ring or a cream. The point of these is that they release a low dose of oestrogen directly and locally into the vagina to treat dryness and irritation. Typically this treatment can be used alongside more general HRT and if you stop using the vaginal oestrogen your symptoms can return.

Take a different perspective

As has always been the case, everyone’s sex lives look very different and there is absolutely no normal around how often you have sex, if you even do. It is also very common that you and your partner have moved to a different stage and sex is not as important as closeness in other ways.

Equally many women find that they are content with solo sexual activity and that masturbation and experimenting with sex toys can make them feel sexier than ever. If you are reading this, you are sensible enough to put any feelings of shame or embarrassment aside when it comes to masturbation. Making yourself feel good lowers anxiety, releases endorphins and can relax you to the point where it helps you sleep. Indulge as often as you like!

Many women report the best sex of their lives as they are older, less self-conscious and do not have to worry about unwanted pregnancy. If you feel sexy and good - enjoy it and if you are keen to recapture those feelings again try some different approaches and reconnect with this most primal source of enjoyment and wellbeing.